AN INTRODUCTION

MY NAME IS NOT IMPORTANT.  I AM NOT IMPORTANT.

I AM A DOG.  A LOWLY DOG AT THE FEET OF LUCY MURRAY.

MURRAYFACTS

The Pope resigned because he wants one last crack at her before he croaks.  Oscar Pistorius, similarly, is prepared to do literally anything to free himself up.  Birds suddenly appear every time she is near.  She is so fit that she could fight all the boxers there are.  When she moved to London, most of the women there trained to be lesbians.

I AM SERIOUS

THINGS THAT I IMAGINE LUCY MURRAY'S HAIR MIGHT SMELL LIKE

1.  Meadows

2.  Pantene Pro-V

3.  Almonds

4.  Butter (unsalted)

5.  Fags

6.  A nice beach

7.  Car ferry (?)

A POEM

I wrote a poem.

There is a young lady called Murray

I do not know if she likes curry

She looks like a model

And also Glenn Hoddle

I wrote this in rather a hurry.